What it looks like from behind the bar

Working in bars can be great, because let’s face it, people always provide more entertainment when they’re drunk. And when things are quiet behind the bar there’s nothing better than watching drunks go about their business. Coming in several equally annoying forms the following are just a few forms of drunken stereotypes.

“Look at me, look at how drunk I am, take note of my drunkenness” Sound familiar? It should. Because there is always someone who feels the need to let everyone else know that they are intoxicated. Of course they’re usually the soberest person about but they are not about to let that deter them, oh no, they need to be the centre of attention at all times.

Two sips of a Coors light and they’re stumbling around the place telling everyone how much they love them and using their drunkenness as a tool to bond with all that are willing to tolerate them – usually not too many people. The next morning they’ll feign ignorance at the previous night’s escapades and use their intoxicated state of mind to excuse simple misunderstandings such as cheating and fighting – very much endorsing the “I was drunk so it doesn’t count” mentality. Sure it doesn’t.

Then there’s the messy drunk. The drunk who just doesn’t know when to stop, they’ll throw back the double vodkas until they begin to throw them back up. They will laugh at suggestions to slow down and convince themselves that they are 100% sober. It isn’t until they’re painting the toilet bowls with the contents of their stomach that they will begin to accept that they may have had too much to drink. But only maybe.

The Desperado: The one lad who grinds all of the girls on the dance floor in the hope that one of them will eventually take pity on him. Of course they don’t. Instead they lead the poor chap to the bar, make him buy them a drink and then drop him like a hot potato. Using the just “gotta find my friend” or “I need to pee” guise, the girl will disappear as soon as the Sambuca touches her lips leaving the poor boy wondering where it all went wrong. Serving these boys is heart-breaking really.

Then there’s that one girl who for no apparent reason is absolutely bawling her eyes out. And no matter how much her friends try, there is absolutely no consoling her. After a while her friends will ditch her in favour of having fun and she will spend the rest of the night lurking about the toilets taking sympathy off anyone who is willing to give it, when really all she needs is a slap.

The final stereotype is the drunk everyone should all aspire to be, the loving drunk. The drunk who just wants to let everyone else know how much they mean to them. Extremely irritating and completely harmless, this person is definitely the soundest of its counterparts. Long live the loving drunk.

Caoimhe Ni Loinsigh

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