Breaking Yawn: Are you a Breaking Bad Bore?

Have you seen that Family Guy clip where Peter watches Breaking Bad, and afterwards leaps at every opportunity to discuss how good it is? Did you inwardly groan and think, “I hope that’s not me” and continue about your business as usual? A little while later, did you hear the words “Do you know what’s good? Breaking Bad” flying out of your mouth with little to no regard for how pertinent they were to the conversation? Then my friend, like me and many others before me, you are a Breaking Bad Bore.

There’s something about particular TV shows that capture the hearts of nations. The Wire, The West Wing, most recently Breaking Bad – all superbly written, well-acted shows that reel you in and don’t let go until you’re shivering and crying and only able to relate to real life through the actions of fictional characters. “Oh, you’re being just as stupid as Jesse when he poured all of his and Walt’s water supply over that generator fire.” Or “Hahaha! This is funnier than the time CJ sang “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred.” Sound familiar?

If you want to live in a fantasy world where all your immediate concerns pertain only to a meth business run by some fictional characters, by all means, soldier on. However, if you are finding that your love of certain TV shows is all but destroying your personal relationships, you might want to do something about it.

Firstly, stay away from other Breaking Bad Bores. Talking enthusiastically about a show with someone who is just as obsessed as you is not only super alienating to everyone else in the room, but also fans the flames, sending you into even more of a fanatical tizzy. Also, by talking to other fans you risk important plot points being spoiled, which is probably the worst thing that can happen to a Breaking Bad Bore. Hell hath no fury like a TV fan spoiled. Stay away, but if you really need to discuss it, do it in a calm and reasonable manner, with as little arm-flailing as possible. If possible.

Every time you move to tweet or post a status about your show, ask yourself – is this necessary? Tweets like “OMGGGGGG WHAAAAAAAAAT #breakingbad” are textbook Breaking Bad Bore, and probably the most annoying thing you can do as a fan of any show. I am ridiculously guilty of this, but recently have formulated a guideline for tweeting about Breaking Bad:

1) You’re probably watching this episode online, by yourself.
2) It probably aired two years ago.
3) You’re not giving any indication as to what caused you to feel this way, therefore:
4) You are, in essence, talking to yourself. Online. Where everyone can see you doing so. Stop.

The last thing you can do is probably what you are doing anyway – get through it. Finish the show. Once there are no more plot twists to pore over, you will finally be free to get back to your life pre-Breaking Bad, The Wire etc. That is, until you find another show to obsess over. I hear The Sopranos is pretty good…

Valerie Loftus

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