Do you remember your first love? I don’t mean the one that made you tell your parents about this “someone special”. I mean the love that makes you stupid, forget yourself, and maybe even forget your self-worth. The kind of love where you simply give up and fall apart under the overwhelming emotions and thoughts spiralling in your mind. The love that makes you blind and yet makes you believe that you can see clearly, all of a sudden.
If you say no, congratulations on not having gone through the kind of turbulence that American RomCom movies like 10 Things I Hate About You sell as “love”. Even though I fell for it, I know I can’t help but wonder: was this love? What is this warm, fuzzy, and yet irritating feeling that makes you sick and blissful at the same time? To prevent any disappointment, I will put a short disclaimer and say: I don’t know. But I will try to be brave, and explore, and perhaps make up an explanation.
When I think of this wild and extreme “love”, I think of pain and late-night calls, lying to yourself and pretending to feel good, questioning your own character and praising the other person, neglecting their flaws and finding justifications for bad behaviour on either side. But when I think about the love I see in my grandparents’ and parents’ relationship, I see support, hard work, understanding and acceptance.
But then why do movies fool us into believing that love has to be hard and painful, to be real? I think it is because people have become lazy. We are not eager enough to put in the work that real love requires. The support you give a real loved one without giving yourself up is something most people are too selfish to do. It does not go hand in hand with our perception of “a strong person”. According to social media, strong people do not fight for love. People have to be “obsessed or I don’t want them” and trends like “it’s toxic but cute” promote unhealthy patterns. The attitude is: “it either finds me or it is not good for me anyway” and “I don’t need anyone”.
And then there is this deeply rooted need in some of us that says: I WANT someone. I believe this is why people look for that wild and turbulent feeling, misunderstood as love. It provides that addictive high and seems to be so easy at first. As long as you are on it, it is a wonderful drug. Once you get off it, it all comes crashing down, and so, you decide to quit. After all, it could hurt you. And then the cycle of addiction begins, and you start to question if you will maintain this sobriety.
So yes, here I am, another romantic mind blaming social media and false ideas of love for our lost generation. But please don’t become pessimistic, but start to wonder: Is giving up healthy and real love the price we want to pay for being successful and independent as presented online?
