The UK has been dethroned from its special relationship. With Trump’s America single and not quite ready to mingle (#isolationism), could Martin’s Ireland find love in a hopeless place?
Harry and Meghan, Gnomeo and Juliet, Britain and America. What do these pairs have in common, you (don’t) ask? It is, of course, that once upon a time, they fell in love. But the course of true love never did run smooth, and ultimately it seemed they were not meant to be…allegedly (because I know Harry would sue).
After a prolonged honeymoon period in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and South Korea, it now sadly seems clear that the UK can no longer provide enough for newly-elected Donald Trump to satisfy his needs (see: Keir Starmer refuses to extradite all Muslims from Rotherham). Donald Trump’s right-hand man Elo – I mean…JD Vance has verbalised himself that the UK/US relationship has now hit the rocks. Mind you, the signs were there before, considering how Washington’s long been a revolving door of ally “affairs.”
In 2017, Donald found a penpal. It was unfortunate that said pal happened to be a dictator, but hey, it’s hard to read someone over written text. In his reflection on Kim Jong Un, Trump recalled: “We were going back and forth, and then we fell in love, okay?” It was cute, et cetera, but relations soured when the best comment Donald could muster on his partner was: “He is a smart cookie.” Eventually, the President’s eyes started to wander.
In fact, they wandered back West a bit, to Russia…so actually not that far West. This turned out to be nothing but a fling however, as Donald described being “deeply offended” when Putin expressed an interest in a spirited woman named Kamala Harris. Three’s a crowd and what not, something Trump already knew all too well. And so, ironically, the entrepreneur was told: “You’re fired”. Tail between legs, our hopeless romantic has spent his days since sniffing out his next romantic investment (See: Canada, Greenland, Panama Canal).
Enter this young whippersnapper!
Source: Aindrias Moynihan/Twitter
Yes, it’s duly elected Taoiseach Micháel Martin (until late 2027)! The man with big promises could have the potential to go all the way with the incoming President, considering they actually have quite a bit in common. Whether it be a soft spot for big businesses and their offshore tax activities (it’s legal okay don’t ask) or their unrealised need for hair transplant*, the pair would be unstoppable!
*
Source: Reuters
But why, oh why, is this even worth considering? Great question reader! Mr. Martin’s propulsion of Ireland into the hotseat of ‘Special Relationship’ with the US could be incredible for the island nation in two ways:
- It’d be a right laugh to take the UK’s man from under their nose purely on the grounds of revenge
- Money (never question the ethics)
After all, Ireland does seem to be further and further distancing itself as a country from its anti-establishment, independent roots, so there’s no doubt that the commentary is relevant. Sure, the US Ambassador to Ireland did warn Martin’s then-office at the Department of Foreign Affairs against passing the Occupied Territories Bill, but we need not focus on the details! If Micháel plays his cards right, he’ll be in the big pond with the biggest fish of them all in no time, and what could possibly be wrong with that?
Alas, there is one issue. The aforementioned issue. That one about Donald Trump’s loyalty, or lack thereof. Commitment struggles are another commonality between this potential couple. If Micháel Martin doesn’t proceed with caution and fails to tempt the President into a loyalty he can’t refuse, he may quickly wind up on the exes list alongside Kim and Putin.
So as we set out on this new journey of ‘Bachelor Trump searches the world for a new partner’, we wait with bated breath to see if the Taoiseach has what it takes to be Donald’s one true love. If anyone is going to save us from the barrage of alleged tariffs and ‘national security concerned’ misadventures, it could just be the ambitious Fianna Fail-er(get it?). Only one thing’s for sure, we know there’s no love if Micháel starts swatting away his hand every time they’re in public together.
See: Melania Trump.
by