1) Boyzone
OK, so maybe this is a little unfair. The death of a band member would obviously hamper any attempts at a proper reunion (RIP Steo </3). But when planning their reunion, the lads forgot one important element: THE TUNES. Would Take That be the manband they are now if not for the soaring belter that is “Patience”? Boyzone’s comeback single “Love You Anyway” was a) extremely annoying; b) certainly no “Patience” and c) though uptempo, not nearly as good as Take That’s second single from their reunion album, “Shine”. Gold star for effort, we guess. Any fans still remaining will be delighted to hear that they’re planning another reunion tour this year. Sigh. When will they ever learn?
2) The Spice Girls
It actually caused this writer pain to type the words above. When you experienced the thrill Spice-Mania and its rallying call of “Girl Power!” the first time round, you really want the next blast to be just as good. Unfortunately, the over-hyped Spice reunion of 2008 was disappointing on many levels. Similarly to Boyzone, there were no tunes (“Headlines” is unmemorable and doesn’t count) and reports of in-fighting between the girls made the line “Friendship never ends!” feel like a big fat lie. The girls redeemed themselves with an awesome performance at the Olympics closing ceremony, and are continuing the fight for cultural relevance with the new Spice Girls musical, Viva Forever. But we all know they’re not the super-tight galpals they once were, and that makes us sad.
3) Steps
First off, let us say that Steps Reunion was some excellent TV. It had everything – petty spats, amazing revelations, and Claire Richards crying at every available opportunity. We must also thank them for getting the ball rolling for ITV’s Big Reunion, featuring Liberty X, Atomic Kitten and 5ive, amongst others. Saying that, the Steps reunion was pretty dire. For their comeback single, they chose to re-record their 1999 cover of ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” for reasons unknown to anyone but themselves. Then, they mysteriously decided to release an album of Christmas songs. Finally, Claire entered the Celebrity Big Brother house, finishing in fourth place. How they thought these actions would lead to a successful reunion is unclear. The whole thing smacks of disorganisation, but also there is also the possibility that Steps were never loved enough to warrant a comeback. Oooh. Burn.
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